Weinergate: A Weiner Roast in Washington

HEADLINE: Photo of Representative Anthony Weiner’s Penis – Leaked!! 

Over the Memorial Day weekend, America proved once again that it loves a good wiener roast.  Rep. Anthony “Stiff Tony” Weiner was on the grill over a photo of a man’s boxer briefs sporting a completely covered but discernable  erection. In response to the media’s constant and insistent pounding, the congressman’s chief of staff, Hugh G. Rection, pushed back, saying, “All of these ‘wiener’ jokes have to stop. This distinguished member of congress doesn’t need the image of an erect penis popping into everybody’s head every time his name is mentioned.”

While being interviewed by CNN’s Wolf Blitzer on Wednesday, Representative Weiner summed it up succinctly by saying, “When your name is Weiner, it goes with the territory.” The lawmaker found modest support from a limited list of congress persons, among them; Representatives Dingle, Dicks, Cummings and Peters, who, in a joint statement said simply, “We know how he feels.”

Later he apologized to a group of reporters for his testy initial response to questions saying, “I’m sorry, I was a little stiff yesterday.”

“We’re treating it as a prank” he told MSNBC, still joking even as the issue of the erection continued to swell rather than go down. Weiner could not say for sure that the photo was not of him, which left reporters to wonder if perhaps the penis in question was too hard to identify. Weiner also said he would not ask federal authorities to investigate, reasoning “I’m not really sure it rises to that level.”

House Democrats were rumored to be pushing hard to clean up the Weiner issue with as little embarrassment as possible. Meanwhile, republican strategists, clearly relished on the whole wiener issue and were just really happy that people had stopped calling the Majority leader “Representative Boner”.

On a side note, there is now a one week moratorium on getting fired for wiener jokes at work.

Suggestions to Avoid Embarrassment While Serving in Congress.

1. Don’t take the picture. The ready availability of photography makes digital mischief more accessible than ever. The temptation to take photos of your junk is constant but you need to remember that the easiest way to avoid sending photos of the “Junior Congressman” is to not take photos of the “Junior Congressman”.

2. Don’t post the picture. If you’ve already broken the first rule, why advertise?  A picture of your swelling pride is a lot like an atom bomb.  Just because you have one, doesn’t mean you have to use it.  You don’t have to launch the missile.  Keep it in the silo.

3. If stories about your erection persist for more than four news cycles, consult a competent media adviser.  You may experience adverse side effects like increased voter apathy or frustration, media harassment and a sudden loss of effectivness in office.

So here we are at the bottom line again. 

Anybody up for some speculation? 

Based on the several dozen articles I’ve read in the last couple of days while researching the issue for this blog, it goes like this:  It is a picture of his underwear with him in them. So yeah, it’s his dick, too.  He most likely did not send the image to the 22 year old woman; Ms. Saunders.  In all likelihood, he took the photo on his phone to send to his young (and hot) wife.  Whether or not he sent it to his wife is between them.  Somebody on his large congressional staff (oh, nice double entendre) with access to his phone and computer got the photo and sold it to Andrew Breitbart who has been trying to destroy (beat?) Weiner for years.  Breitbart, a notorious fraudster, found a young lady who wanted to be famous and paid her to “reveal” this traumatic event in her life.   Ms. Saunders, has since admitted that she did not receive the photo from the Representative and that she did in fact, just want to be famous.  

Do I know this for sure.  No.  But I’ve read a lot more about it than you and based on that reading, I put the pieces of the puzzle together thusly.  Others will put it together outre thusly.  Will the average person hear this part of it and think poorly of Breitbart and Saunders?  No, they should but they probably won’t.  Will the mess stick to Weiner (even more double entendre) for the duration of his career in politics?  You know it will.  Does it help us fix the problems we face as a nation?  Well, it seems pretty unlikely.

He seems like a nice guy and let’s face it; Who hasn’t taken a picture of their junk?  This picture of Rep. Weiner is nearly PG it’s so tame.  If the Rep. sent it, no laws have been broken and the only damage is to his reputation.  If he didn’t, who cares?  Nothing has actually happened. This whole thing was really just an excuse for everybody to write a bunch of weiner jokes… myself included.

Maybe we should all just grow up.

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